Imogen Rogerson - Costello

Last Few Days At The Dream Centre

Sat, 26 Jul 08 18:06:20 +0200

Hello,

I only wrote on this a few days ago but a lot has happened since then but I haven't started packing yet and we are leaving at six tomorrow morning (and going out tonight) so I'm going to put some pictures of the Agape Choir performance (which was a big success) on here and then write again when I can!

Bye xXx

Third/Fourth Week at The Dream Centre!

Mon, 21 Jul 08 20:55:16 +0200

Hello,

It's nearly the end of our time here (we leave at five o'clock on Sunday morning!) and I don't know if I'll have a chance to write again so I'll try and sum up everything now!

Last week started off very badly, after finding out that five people had died in our second week we were told on Monday morning that another six had died over the weekend. The wards seemed very empty. Two other men died in the same room that Anthony had died in. Lunga (the last patient staying in that room) was very depressed having witnessed all his roommates pass away, he also insisted on telling people exactly how Anthony had died and told Malou that he had died literally just after Tiara and I had put him to bed and said good night to him, which is quite upsetting.

There's a lot of good to say about The Dream Centre but there's also a lot that still needs to be done. For weeks there was only very cold water to wash the patients in and in the room that those three men died there was a huge leak and the room was very cold. If all the volunteers are coming down with flu of course the patients will get sick too. There is also a lot of good to be said about the nurses that work here, for the most part they seem to work hard and do the best they can with the little resources available to them, however it is also very frustrating when they do not work so well. Many of the nurses are prone to stealing from the hospice, they have little wages and obviously want things just like the rest of us but it isn't very nice when we give patients little gifts (especially those patients that can barely move or talk) and find that those presents have gone the next time we visit them.

Also, it's hard when the things that would be unacceptable in England are seen as fine here. Such as sometimes urine and faeces on the floors of the wards. Also, sometimes the bodies of those patients that have passed away are not covered or moved and so we end up seeing them, which is very traumatic, especially if it isn't unexpected. Jingyi was very upset on Monday when she wanted to take a patient to physio and he had died, he wasn't covered and his eyes were blue.

Sometimes it feels like there is too much wrong and the patients are too ill and you cannot help them but then Thuli (one of the patients) told Malou and I that she came here a few months ago and couldn't walk and that she was very very ill and her CD4 count very low. Even though the nurses were the ones that helped her medically that it was the volunteers that really helped her because they showed her that she was accepted as who she was. AIDs isn't like any other illness. With most illnesses the sufferer is given sympathy, looked after, told to "get better soon" but with AIDs very few people understand it, especially in South Africa, and how it's transmitted. It's seen as scary, only black, poor, promiscous people catch it and spread it in varying false ways. Monique, who worked in physiotherapy, said that even some of the staff here do not understand and wear two pairs of gloves and face masks when just talking to the patients because they are scared. Thuli said that even just to look at someone with AIDs like they are a person, a sick person, but a person, is more than most people will do. Families and whole communities isolate those that contract the disease. So even just the way you look at someone, touch their hands or hug them because you know they are just like any other person can make a difference.

The official statistics say that fifty one percent of the South African population have HIV/AIDs but everyone here thinks it is much much more and still people do not understand it. It's sad to hear when patients tell you that they have no family.

Last week we also visited the other Be More projects, including Bobbi Bear, which is an organisation that helps abused children. It was heartbreaking just listening to the amount of children that are found to be raped and endless other forms of abuse, at such a young age. We visited the 'Tree Clinic', which offers a kind of support group for women in the area every Wednesday under a big tree. Women, who are the poorest of the poor wake up as early as four in the morning to get there, even if there is nothing to give them. One little boy who came whose mother had died and was looked after by a thirteen year old girl, was as tiny as a three month old but we were told that he was two years old and was so tiny because he was underfed. AIDs also stunts a person growth.

Yesterday a thirteen year old girl called Banugile (I don't know how it's spelt, zulu names are too hard), was admitted to The Dream Centre, she looks tiny and we don't even want to think about how she came to contract AIDS in the first place. The Dream Centre is only equipped for adults so it's very strange and horrible that a girl so young is here too. She's in a room with three other women but it must be very scary for her without any family around and so many very very sick people everywhere. However, a lot of the other female patients come together to look after her, treat her like their child. All the patients seem to help one another when they can. Although, there is also misunderstandings about the effects of AIDs among them too, like with those cannot speak or are very confused because of strokes and are seen as "mad" and are sometimes isolated by the other patients.

Oh dear, I definitely do not seem to have written anything good yet! So...At the weekend we went on safari to Hluhluwe (pronounced Shooli-Shooli, well sort of, but it has a click in it that I can't say!) We went on a boat trip on Saturday morning and saw lots of crocodiles and hippos. Then when we walked along the beach later in the afternoon we saw lots of hippos on the other side of the bank, which was cool but I thought we were going to be attacked! Then our van broke down so we rested in a ditch for a while before seeing a cheetah farm. On Sunday we actually went on safari and saw lions (they were very very far in the distance and so were tiny!) but we did see rhinos very close up and various other animals.

On Monday Jingyi and I got our hair cut, the first reaction from the patients was that Jingyi's looked like a wig and mine wasn't "too bad", nice!

Today I was recognised in the Fried Chicken shop because I've been there so many times to buy patients fried chicken, because they love it! It is a very sad day when the woman that works in the chicken shop thinks that all you eat is two pieces of chicken everyday with your chinese friend!

One of the patients called Lunga (who is on bail for murder and robbery at the moment but is actually very lovely!) said he was going to miss Jingyi and I when we leave and was excited to hear that we went to see Orlando Pirates versus Manchester United in Durban yesterday! We saw Rooney take his top off at the end, I'm traumatised. Jingyi now has a bruise on her mouth from blowing her vuvuzela too much (it's kind of like a horn that lots of South Africans have when they go and see football) but I lost mine before the match even started.

Tomorrow we are all very excited because another volunteer here, Helen, had the idea of the Agape choir coming to sing for the patients. They are fifteen children from an orphanage called Agape, which is another Be More project, and they apparently they have beautiful singing voices. They are quite famous in South Africa, or may be just KwaZulu Natal. They even sang for Nelson Mandela at his birthday concert in Hyde Park, so they are famous! They are coming tomorrow to perform so we have been busy all week making goodie bags, sorting out the venue, decorations etc. Most patients are excited, except for Cindi:

Me "Agape choir are coming, it will be amazing!"
Cindi "Oh so no movie tomorrow?"
Me "No, but Madiba requested them personally, they're famous, it will be amazing!"..
Cindi "Yeah but..hmm...no, I think I still would like a movie better!"
Me "Oh Man..I promise it'll be good!"

Now I really hope it is good!

We are off out tonight to Club54 "Dirty Whore" again! Then Jingyi and I start our travels along the South Coast from Durban to Cape Town on Sunday. We are travelling for three weeks and Bart (another volunteer) is travelling with us for a week to Port Elizabeth, so hopefully he'll stop us from killing each other! Then we get back to Cape Town for a week and Dad can be our tour guide (thanks!)

Now I need to go and get dressed because everyone else is ready and I'm still typing! Bye xXx

Second Week at The Dream Centre!

Sun, 13 Jul 08 22:30:39 +0200

Hi, so apparently a few people did look at my blog so now I feel under pressure to actually write well, ohdear...

Anyway, it's the end of the second week here and I'm quite tired so if this doesn't make a whole lot of sense it's because of that, not because I'm an idiot..!

In some ways this week has been easier and in others it has been a lot harder. Firstly Tiara, Jamilla (a couple of the other volunteers) Jingyi and I caught some kind of virus/chest infection so most of last week there was a lot of coughing and sleeping/trying to sleep and feeling ill, but the wonder of working in a hospital is that we have access to lots of drugs, which we dosed ourselves up on! (I still sound like I've been smoking forty a day but I feel a lot better.) Being ill didn't really make volunteering a whole lot easier, especially because on Wednesday (when I felt at my worst) there was a transport strike in South Africa so none of the nurses could come in, so apart from those nurses that had been working night shifts and a few other volunteers there were only us eight Be More volunteers to look after the patients. I think Helen and Jamilla helped to clean and look after the patients but the rest of us had to pretty much spend all day in the kitchen (wearing very fetching hair nets) because there were only two kitchen staff to make the food for the patients. It was quite stressful but a couple of the patients helped to give the food out and collect the plates for us.

I'm more used to the hospital now, seeing the patients, being able to deal with the ones that are more ill and once you've had a few conversations they remember you and you become like friends. However, it's then really difficult if they die. Apparently, only about thirty percent of the patients that come here die, most, once they are given ARVs, and spend a few months here are able to leave. A couple of patients last week were discharged and were really happy which is lovely to see.

I also did more work on grants for the patients, although the buraucracy is ridiculous and frustrating. Tiara and I were at SASSA (South African Social Security Association) so much on Tuesday that we even went for drinks with some guys that worked there! (It was interesting to say the least, we went to a bar where we were the only white people and the beer was R10, less than one pound, for what looked like a litre!)

However, five of the patients died in five days. The very very skinny lady Jingyi and I took to the Bingo the week before, died. The only way we found out was by going to visit her, her bed was empty and her name rubbed out.

After the Film Night on Thursday (which they all loved because this time we managed to find a Zulu equivalant to Laurel and Hardy!) Tiara and I took a patient called Anthony to bed. I'd spoken to him a few times and he was always friendly and spoke English well so we could have a joke and a conversation, but he was very very skinny. When we lifted him into bed that night, I could see every single one of his ribs and his knees looked like golf balls as I tucked them under the bed covers. He joked that we'd get muscles from all this moving him in and out of bed and pushing his wheelchair around. I fed him some of his dinner, that he couldn't finish from earlier, and propped his cushions up and spoke to him for a while then he asked where his fiance was because she hadn't been to see him and he told me that he was depressed and wanted to see the counsillor. I told him that it was very late and he should try and get some rest and promised to find her the next day and tell her to go and see him.

The next morning I didn't get up until late and Jingyi came and told me that she'd been to see Anthony but he'd had a coughing fit and died in the night. It was very upsetting. Jingyi had spoken to him for a long time in the garden the day before and they'd become good friends and all the other volunteers knew him and so it was very sad. Even if you haven't become very good friends with a patient it is very strange not seeing them in bed when you go and visit other patients in the same room.

Being in The Dream Centre and then leaving the patients at night or at the weekends is like being in two separate worlds. On Thursday night, after talking to Anthony, we went to a club in Durban called 'Joe Cools', which firstly played very rubbish music and was full of only white people (all wearing the same rubbish clothes/hair style etc), some of whom decided to share their opinions on South Africa with Malou. One view being that the club 'was too high class for blacks as all black people have AIDs and are criminals." I am definitely not going back there again.

We (the volunteers) went away for the whole weekend which was really fun. We went to the Drakensburg, North KwaZulu Natal, and it was breathtaking. We went hiking yesterday morning and then horseriding in the afternoon. We rode up the side of the mountains and had amazing views and all that. However, firstly, I am not a fan of horses. Secondly, I was given a particularly aggressive horse who decided he hated all the other horses and insisted on biting/kicking them wherever possible so I had to hold on for dear life most of the time. The views were incredible but I couldn't really enjoy them as I was scared for my life most of the time and my bum still hurts. Today we went through the Drakensburg on the Sani Pass into Lesotho and went to the Highest Pub in Africa!
Even though it's fun going out in the evenings and at weekends it feels like we are returning home when we get back to The Dream Centre.

I've just read this back and it seems like nothing good has happened this week but I think I've just concentrated on the hard parts because I'm tired, a lot of good things have happened! I took a patient to the bank and we got to push in front of the queue because he complained that his ears hurt and because they thought I was his incapable nurse, he was pleased. There are a few patients, including Sbusiso, who have done so well in physio that they don't need to use their sticks any more. There's a patient who is on bail from a murder and robbery case (that's probably not good news but it's kind of exciting, although apparently we should avoid going into his room on our own, it was in the local paper and everything!)

Anyway, Bart and Jingyi are rushing me to get off the computer, (I type slowly) so I have to go, bye! xXx

First Week at The Dream Centre!

Mon, 07 Jul 08 13:38:15 +0200

Hi everyone (ha I don't know who that actually refers to, I have a feeling that it might just be me, oh well!)

We've been here exactly a week now, and I've found it really hard but also really fun. There are one hundred and twenty patients here in total and it's strange because some of them seem fine, walking around normally, eating by themselves, playing football, with no signs of being ill but then a lot of them are in a really really bad state.

We have a bingo night for the patients every Wednesday (they love it, about sixty of them came and played last week, although I don't think they were too impressed with my bingo calling skills, I think my South London accent caused a few problems in their understanding!). I took one of the patients in a wheelchair back to her room, she can't talk but she can totally understand what we are saying and puts her thumbs up if she likes what we're doing or screams (very loudly!) if she doesn't like it, but she also wets herself a lot and I had to try and get her back into bed. She was so heavy and her wheelchair was covered in urine, I've never seen anyone that couldn't control themsleves like that before and I found it hard to see.

Another very shocking part of what AIDs does is to reduce the patients to a literally skeletal state. One patient called Nompomelelo has huge eyes and is very skinny, although not so much that I would be too shocked to see her, but she showed me her ID card picture from six years ago and I cannot describe how unrecognisable she was, she used to have a nice, round face and I honestly thought it was a different person, it really highlighted how AIDs totally and utterly wastes the body away, it was horrible.

We have a film night every Thursday night and we go around all the wards collecting patients (everyone loves action/comedy, Eddie Murphy and Jackie Chan seem to be the favourites, but they are sick of Rush Hour!). Jingyi and I went into one room to collect a few patients and one woman said she wanted to come but she had a blanket totally covering her so we thought it'd be fine but as soon as the blanket came off it was the most awful thing I've ever seen, she had absolutely no fat on her, her pelvis looked huge and when we tried to get her into the wheelchair it was really difficult because she had no fat that we could hold on to. I can't see any way that she will survive, she's just too sick. She came down and watched abit of the film but had to go back up soon afterwards because she had a nose bleed and was very tired just from sitting up. We've learnt that if someone is that ill that it's not always a good idea to take them out of bed. I think it's all about learning here. We've learnt to wear gloves when lifting some patients into bed (after having a few difficulties with incontinent patients!) and not to give all the patients lots of crisps and sugary drinks (after a patient vomited all over the reception floor on the film night).

However, there are lots of really good things about being here. All the patients, however ill, are pleased to see the volunteers and make jokes and try to teach us zulu (mainly to no avail! There are too many clicks!). One patient called Eric laughed hysterically and decided he would teach me how to dance in a zulu style after I demonstrated my interpretation of how English people dance (meaning a lot of flailing of arms and uncoordination!). On Friday I went with one of the patients, called S'bisiso, to the Welfare Office and sorted out his Disability Grant. It's the most bureaucratic system, it took hours, but eventually it got sorted out and he'll get R960 (about 60pounds, which seems like nothing) but he was so so happy, I said he should buy his children presents but he said he only wants to buy them tea and milk so they're not spoilt, and he was so happy to have the money, that it was really lovely to see). There is also one white English patient called Edward who is really friendly, although I regretfully had to inform him that he was under a misconception that Millwall are a decent team and that they are actually now completely rubbish! (apparently they were good in the seventies but I'm sure that can't be true! I thought they'd always been rubbish!)

We do a lot of different activities in the garden during the day (it's winter here but still about 26 degrees and really sunny!) and the patients seem to like that, and we give them juice and cake and they definitely like that! So even though it's definitely hard seeing a lot of the patients so ill and unable to do things on their own, there are also many lovely aspects.

It's also fun being with other volunteers and having them there to talk to about our experiences, we watch films together, drink lots of wine (especially after difficult days!) and go for dinner together or cook in the kitchen (well, Jingyi cooks for me while I systematically destroy the kitchen. I nearly burnt the plastic table cloth off by putting a hot pan on it and the tap exploded off and water went everywhere when I tried to turn it on, I shouldn't be allowed to touch anything!) We went to the beach in Durban for the whole weekend, which was really relaxing although I got sunburnt (as always!) and on Saturday night we went to a club called Club54 ("affectionately" referred to by locals as Club "Dirty Whore", suffice to say we most probably will not be returning!)

Anyway my hands are tired now, bye xXx